It’s been one of “those weeks.” If you are a single mother or father then you will know what I am talking about. It seems that no matter what I do, there is just not enough time in the day or enough of me to go around. It’s been one of those weeks where I will thank the Good Lord for letting us make it to the weekend unscathed and no worse for wear.
The guilt a mother carries due to a week like this is immense. I never want to let my kids down, but I just can’t make it to absolutely everything. I am no mother of the year.
Don’t get me wrong, I try to be mother of the year, but sadly no trophy ever comes my way - no t-shirt with my name as a previous year's winner. I do everything I can to be a great mom. The problem is that my kids are turning out to be master manipulators of the heart – I have no idea where they would get that from – and they have learned to play me like a fiddle.
I missed Warren’s track meet Tuesday because I would have to miss four hours of work to see him perform for 5 minutes – and there was no idea which five minutes of the four hours it would be. I knew his dad was going, so I requested a hall pass. It was granted, but it did not stop him from asking me last night, “Didn’t a do a good job in the relay the other day? Oh, that’s right, you weren’t there.”
On Tuesday night I was late getting home from work because I stopped at the Fresh Market to get some dinner. I bought a rotisserie chicken, twice baked potatoes and some of their fancy three cheese ciabatta bread . I called home to tell them that I was on my way and Crawford said, “I’m going to fix some chicken nuggets because I am starving.” I told her I was on my way and proudly boasted all the good (and healthy) food I bought. To which she replied, “But you’re late and I’m starving to deathhhhhhh” (imagine the whiniest and most pitiful tone you can imagine). I tried to talk her out of it, but she just kept telling me how hungry she was.
I then became that mother I always swore I would not become. That monster mom just took over my body and I loudly said, “Well do whatever you want to do , you’re going to anyway!” and hung up the phone. I drove the rest of the way in tears because of how bad it made me feel. When I got home I apologized for hanging up on her and she said, "I didn't know you did," all the while with a little twinkle in her eye and a sly smirk on her lips.
And no matter what guilt I try to throw back, they always win. They always know exactly what to say to put me right back in that "mother’s guilt" phase.
What they don’t know though is that late at night I can tiptoe into their rooms and watch them sleep. They are so peaceful and calm like when they were tiny babies. Angelic almost. Little do they know that no matter what they throw at me – no matter how much guilt they try to heap my way – I WIN. And I am loving every minute of them.
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